Three Things to Ponder
Bath Tub Test
Mechanic and Doctor Comparison
Aprons
30 Books of the Bible
I Asked God
God Is
If I Had My Life to Live Over
Will Rogers Quotes
Remarkable Obituary
Very Interesting
What Cancer Cannot Do
Name the Last Five
Here is Another Quiz
Three Things in Life
Heaven or Hell
To Realize
Three Things To Ponder
1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments
Cows - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our
government
can track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall
where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And they tracked her calves to
their
stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around
our
country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
The Constitution - They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for
Iraq.
Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
The Ten Commandments - The real reason that we can't have the
Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post
"Thou Shalt Not Steal, "Thou Shalt Not commit Adultery", and "Thou
Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians.
It creates a hostile work environment.
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time and this story should help get you started!
A news anchor visited a mental asylum to interview the Director. He asked the director what the criterion was that determined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized!
"Well," said the Director, "we fill a bathtub with water, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub!"
"Oh, I understand," said the news man, "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup!"
"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug! DO YOU WANT A BED BY THE DOOR OR NEAR THE WINDOW?"
DID YOU FLUNK THE TEST, TOO?
Mechanic and Doctor Comparison
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the engine of a class 'A'
motor home when he spotted a
well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there waiting for
the service manager to come take a look at his RV when the mechanic shouted
across the garage
"Hey doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon, a bit surprised,
walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motor home.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look
at this engine.
I opened its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put
them back in, and when I finish,
it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the
really big bucks, when you
and I are doing basically the same work?
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
Aprons
I don't think our kids know what an apron is.
The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, but
along with that,
it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from the oven.
It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for
cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and
sometimes
half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been
shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the
trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture
that
old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron,
and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that
"old-time apron"
that served so many purposes.
REMEMBER:
Grandma used to set her hot
baked apple pies on the window sill to cool
Her granddaughters set theirs
on the window sill to thaw.
There are 30 books of the Bible lurking somewhere in the paragraph waiting to be found.
START HERE!
This
is a most remarkable puzzle. It was found by a gentleman in an airplane seat
pocket, on a flight from
Los Angeles to Honolulu, keeping him occupied for hours. He enjoyed it so much;
he passed it on to some friends.
One friend from Illinois worked on this while fishing from his john boat.
Another friend studied it while playing his banjo.
Elaine Taylor, a columnist friend, was so intrigued by it she mentioned it in
her weekly newspaper column.
Another friend judges the job of solving this puzzle so involving; she brews a
cup of tea to help her nerves.
There will be some names that are really easy to spot. That’s a fact. Some
people, however, will soon find
themselves in a jam, especially since the book names are not necessarily
capitalized. Truthfully, from answers
we get, we are forced to admit it usually takes a minister or scholar to see
some of them at the worst. Research
has shown that something in our genes is responsible for the difficulty we have
in seeing the books in this paragraph.
During a recent fund raising event, which featured this puzzle, the Alpha Delta
Phi Lemonade booth set a new sales record.
The local paper, The Chronicle, surveyed over 200 patrons who reported that this
puzzle was one of the most difficult
they had ever seen. As Daniel Humana humbly puts it, "the books are all right
here in plain view hidden from sight.
Those able to find them will hear great lamentations from those who have to be
shown. One revelation that may help
is that the books like Timothy and Samuel may occur without their numbers. Also,
keep in mind that punctuation and
spaces in the middle are normal. A chipper attitude will help you compete really
well against those who claim to know
the answers. Remember, there is no need for a mad exodus, there really are 30
books of the Bible lurking somewhere
in the paragraph waiting to be found.
I asked God
I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! - but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I asked God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
If you love God, send this to ten people and
back to the person that sent it.
THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY
May God Bless You,
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He
is the First and Last, the Beginning and the End!
He is the
keeper of Creation and the Creator of all!
He is the Architect of
the universe and
The Manager of
all times.
He always was,
He always is, and He always will be...
Unmoved,
Unchanged, Undefeated, and never Undone!
He was bruised
and brought healing!
He was pierced
and eased pain!
He was
persecuted and brought freedom!
He was dead and
brought life!
He is risen and
brings power!
He reigns and
brings Peace!
The world can't
understand him,
The armies
can't defeat Him,
The schools can't explain
Him, and The leaders can't ignore Him.
Herod couldn't kill Him, The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him, and
The people couldn't hold Him!
Nero couldn't crush Him,
Hitler couldn't silence Him,
The New Age can't replace Him, and No one can explain Him away!
He is light, love, longevity, and Lord.
He is goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, and God.
He is Holy, Righteous, mighty, powerful, and pure.
His ways are right,
His word is eternal, His will is unchanging, and
His mind is on me.
He is my Redeemer,
He is my Savior,
He is my guide, and
He is my peace!
He is my Joy,
He is my comfort,
He is my Lord, and
He rules my life!
I serve Him because His bond is love, His burden is light, and His goal for me
is abundant life.
I follow Him because He is the wisdom of the wise,
The power of the powerful, The ancient of days, the ruler of rulers,
The leader of leaders, the overseer of the overcomers, and The sovereign Lord of
all that was and is and is to come.
And if that seems impressive to you, try this for size.
His goal is a relationship with ME! He will never leave me, Never forsake me,
Never mislead me, Never forget me, Never overlook me, and
Never cancel my appointment in His appointment book!
When I fall, He lifts me up!
When I fail, He forgives!
When I am weak, He is strong!
When I am lost, He is the way!
When I am afraid, He is my courage!
When I stumble, He steadies me!
When I am hurt, He heals me!
When I am broken, He mends me!
When I am blind, He leads me!
When I am hungry, He feeds me!
When I face trials, He is with me!
When I face persecution, He shields me!
When I face problems, He comforts me!
When I face loss, He provides for me!
When I face Death, He carries me Home!
He is everything for everybody, everywhere, Every time, and every way.
He is God, He is faithful.
I am His, and He is mine!
My Father in heaven can whip the father of this world. So, if you're wondering
why I feel so secure, understand this...
He said it and that settles it.
God is in control, I am on His side, and That means all is well with my soul.
Everyday is a blessing for GOD Is!
If I had my life to live over...
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
(By ERMA BOMBECK)
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet
was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the "GOOD" living room
and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted
to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble
about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a
summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before
it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried
about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television
and more while watching life.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending
the earth would go into a holding pattern if I wasn't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical,
wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have
cherished every moment realizing that the wonderment growing inside me was!
The only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later.
Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's" and more "I'm sorry's"
but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute.....
look at it and really see it ... live it ... and never give it back.
Will Rogers, who died in a plane
crash with Wylie Post in 1935,
was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.
Enjoy the following:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are
three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by
observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt
so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Remarkable Obituary
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense
had been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost
in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to
come in out of the rain, why the early
bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by
simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn)
and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing
regulations were set in place. - Reports of a six-year-old boy
charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from
school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental
consent to administer aspirin to a student; but,
could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have
an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became
contraband; churches became businesses;
and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a
steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap,
and was awarded a huge financial settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife,
Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son,
Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do
nothing
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VERY INTERESTING-
1. The Garden of Eden was in Iraq
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq !
6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq !
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq
8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel
10. Amos cried out in Iraq !
11 Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem
12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq !
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus had been
in Iraq also as the fourth person in the Fiery Furnace!)
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in
Iraq
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq
16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq
17. The wise men were from Iraq
18. Peter preached in Iraq
19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon ,
which was a city in Iraq!
And you have probably seen this one:
Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible.
But do you know which nation is second?
It is Iraq !
However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible.
The names used in the Bible are Babylon , Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia .
The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between
the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers ..
The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.
Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant
country in the Bible.
No other nation, except Israel , has more history and prophecy
associated with it than Iraq
And also, This is something to think about:
Since America is typically represented by an eagle.
Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...
The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)
Koran ( 9:11 ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a
fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the
lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair
still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of
Allah; And there was peace.
(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!
Cancer is so limited....
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal Eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit.
Author unknown
I thought this was
worth reproducing for you. It was done by Charles
Shultz, the Peanuts comic strip writer:
1) Name the 5 wealthiest people in the world
2) Name the last 5 Heisman trophy winners
3) Name the last 5 winners of the Miss America contest
4) Name 5 people who have won the Nobel or the Pulitzer prize
5) Name 5 people who won Academy Awards at the last awards dinner
HOW DID YOU DO?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no
second rate achievers - they are the best in their fields, but the applause
dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and
certificates are buried with their owners.
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HERE IS ANOTHER QUIZ. SEE HOW YOU DO ON
THIS ONE.
1) List a few teachers who aided your journey through school
2) Name 3 friends who have helped you through a difficult time
3) Name 5 people who have taught you something worthwhile
4) Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special
5) Think of 5 people you have enjoyed spending time with
EASIER? The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not
the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most rewards.
They are the ones that care!
(And I might add, that your value in life is not connected to how much you
possess or how many awards you have accumulated, but in how you care about
others) Have a great day.
Three things in life that, once gone, never come
back -
1. Time
2. Words
3. Opportunity
Three things in life
that can destroy a person -
1. Anger
2. Pride
3. Unforgiveness
Three things in life
that you should never lose-
1. Hope
2. Peace
3. Honesty
Three things in life
that are most valuable -
1. Love
2. Family &Friends
3. Kindness
Three things in
life that are never certain -
1. Fortune
2. Success
3. Dreams
Three things that make
a person -
1. Commitment
2. Sincerity
3. Hard work
Three things that are
truly constant -
Father - Son - Holy
Spirit
Unknown Author
A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."
The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table.
In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.
The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished.
They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.
The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.
The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water.
The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.
The holy man said, "I don't understand."
It is simple" said the Lord, "it requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves."
When Jesus died on the cross he was thinking of you!
The value of a sisterAsk someoneWho doesn't have oneTo realizeThe value of ten years:Ask a newlyDivorced coupleTo realizeThe value of four years:Ask a graduate.To realizeThe value of one year:Ask a student whoHas failed a final exam.To realizeThe value of nine months:Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.To realizeThe value of one month:Ask a motherWho has given birth toA premature baby.To realizeThe value of one week:Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.To realizeThe value of one minute:Ask a personWho has missed the train, bus or plane.To realizeThe value of one-second:Ask a personWho has survived an accident.Time waits for no one.Treasure every moment you have.You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.To realize the value of a friend or family member:LOSE ONE.