"Humor"
Two Little Kids
The Four Brothers
Thanksgiving Divorce
Just Because Someone Doesn't Love You
Two little kids are
in a hospital, lying on gurneys
next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in
here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils
out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry
about. I had that done when I was four. They put you
to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of
Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
The second kid says, "Whoa, good luck, buddy, I had
that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
Four brothers left home for
college, and they became successful doctors
and lawyers and prospered. Some years later, they chatted after having
dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their
elderly mother who lived far away in another city.
The first said "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the
house. "
The third said "I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know
she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this
preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took
twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000
a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to
name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the holidays Mom sent out her
Thank You Notes.
She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room,
but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home. I have my groceries delivered,
so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could
hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm
nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.”
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a
little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you. Love, Mom."
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,
"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We can't stand the sight of
each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick
of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're
getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this,"
She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting
divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother
back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU
HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're
coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
Just because someone doesn't love you ……
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have ...
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
"How soon can I go home?"