Blonde Jokes
Finally a Smart Blonde
The Blonde and the Library
Book
Fred, a handsome Dude
A Blonde's year in Review
Two Blonde Carpenters
The Blonde Wife
Kidnapped
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks
and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The
car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for
the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies...."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
The Blond and the Library Book
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said,
"Yes, Ma'am?" said the librarian, looking up at her.
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
Puzzled by her complaint, the librarian asked, "What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and, there was no plot whatsoever!" said the blonde.
The librarian nodded and said, "Ahhh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."
Fred, a handsome Dude.....
Fred, a handsome dude walked into a sports bar around 10 PM. He sat
down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man
on ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Fred and
said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Fred says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Fred placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge
did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was
very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Fred, saying, "Fair's Fair. Here's
your money."
Fred replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5
o'clock news and so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Fred took the money.
January -
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles
won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got really excited....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said
"2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't
fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other
swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top
was open.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ....instructions said 1 hour per pound
and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the
stupid phone!!!
What a year!!
Two blondes were working on a house. The one who
was nailing down
siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and
either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
The other
blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,
"Why are you throwing those nails away?"
The first
blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and
it's pointed TOWARD me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If
it's pointed toward the HOUSE, then I nail it in!"
The second blonde got completely upset and
yelled, "You MORON!!!
The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the
OTHER side of the house!!"
One winter morning a couple
was listening to the radio over breakfast.
They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8
to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the
even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get
through." Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again,
the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of
snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the
street, so the snowplows can get through." Norman's wife goes
out and moves her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when
the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of
snow today You must park .." Then the power goes out.
Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look
on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which
side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get
through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that
all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says ..
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and
wrote this note:
I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde.
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go
straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown
bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note....
Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to
another!